Retrospections

Well, I have to say we're settled back into regular life again. The signs are there - I no longer roll my "r's" when saying sorry, I stopped automatically clapping when greeting others and when saying thank you, I no longer struggle with which side of the road I'm supposed to drive on, my tan is fading, and I suspect I would find 30 degrees quite hot again.  

It's always hard when you come home from a big trip to try and figure out who you are again. What changes are permanent? What goes back to the way it was before? What habits do I allow myself to go back to? Taking constant power and water for granted again happens almost immediately, though I try to remember to appreciate it. Trying to stop complaining about things that are minor. Trying to always work hard because it was a privilege to be there, and remembering it is also a privilege to have a paying job here.

Memories come back at often - standing outside, surrounded by 4 ft snow drifts, winter silence settling the night and looking up at a starry sky, I was suddenly brought back to standing on a warm, summery evening, looking at a starry sky, seeing the Southern Cross for the first time, accompanied by the sounds of cicadas, bats and other tropical night sounds. 

Treating patients in the hospital here and seeing faces of other patients drifting through my mind.

Seeing people here dying in their 80's or 90's, and remember people there dying in their 30's.

Giving blood transfusions here to those who kind of need it, and remembering people there who desperately need it and having no more to give.

Seeing snow and remembering green leaves and flowers, their scent filling the air at all times of the day.

Seeing a moose on the road and remembering elephants on the road.

Shivering and remembering wiping the sweat off my face at regular intervals.

Running out of beds here and remembering just throwing another mattress on the floor there.

Some are good:

Wearing pants to work instead of dresses. :)

Sleeping in the same bed as Garn instead of 2 single beds across the room with mosquito netting tucked all around.

Being able to easily communicate with my coworkers and patients.

Re-entry is always a tough go, and it’s been different with every trip. Always in the front is the question of “how do I live my life now?” and “where do I go from here?” I don’t yet have answers - do any of us? - but I do know that learning how to take things one day at a time is so valuable, and it takes a lifetime to learn. In our debriefing, someone told us “the next decision is not the final one. It’s just the next decision.” Wise words! So for now, it’s back to work, work on the house and try to enjoy life here. One day at a time.