Thoughts to Self

Well, I think it’s time to do some blogging again. I know we only blog when out on an adventure, but I think this counts. We’ve started a new adventure, one that in some ways is more intimidating than our past adventures, despite the fact that it is an adventure most people embark on at one point or another. For those of you who don’t know us very well, and perhaps have not heard, we are expecting a baby for this September! It means, unfortunately, a temporary grounding from exotic travels, but hopefully we will someday be able to teach a new generation to look beyond the borders of our own country and see the great needs out there in the bigger world. 

I have been reading an amazing book, Dangerously Alive by Simon Guillebaud. He was at this past January’s Breakforth, and Garn went to one of his sessions. He is a missionary in Burundi, a small African country located just underneath Rwanda. This country has a very sad history similar to Rwanda, with horrendous battles between people groups leading to fierce wars with horrific death tolls. We’ve gotten comfortable here at home for the past year, but reading this book brings back memories that remind me not to take for granted the life of ease we have here in Canada. The situation in Zimbabwe was not the same as in war-torn Burundi, he faces much more danger than we ever did, but his stories of suffering, death, and starvation strike a chord within me, reminding me of things we experienced in both Zimbabwe and Haiti. 

I am 13 weeks along in my pregnancy, and although I was very blessed to not experience too much morning sickness, I am still noticing a distinct change in my appetite all of a sudden. I have not gained a single pound yet, and since I have always enjoyed a high metabolism, I have no fears indulging in my current snacking needs. In the book, I read a story about a sweet 4-year-old boy who starved to death at the same time as I got up to grab a fresh, sweet orange to snack on. There is no resolving these two things. I know I have a great responsibility to care for my unborn child as well as possible, and I am grateful that I can, but I never want to forget that while I have easy access to medical attention any time I need it, so many don’t. I have access to all the food and clean water I want, so many don’t. Even with the classic early pregnancy symptom of needing to pee at an astounding frequency, I have been reminded to not take so for granted my freshly cleaned bathroom with fully functional indoor plumbing, with no risk of sewage contaminating everything around me. 

As I read my book, memories return of those we’ve met, talked to, worked with and loved that did not have even one of these advantages. I never want to forget them, and I want to remember to do anything I can to help. One face I will never forget is that of a baby boy. His mother held him closely as he struggled to live. He came in with pneumonia, but it was already too advanced for us to cure. His wide, panic-filled eyes met mine in an unwavering gaze, pleading with me to help. We gave him everything we had, but it wasn’t enough. In Canada, he would have been on a respirator in ICU, he was so sick. With no such equipment to save him, we gave antibiotics, oxygen and as much love as we could, as this was everything available to us. I knew instantly upon seeing that gaze locked on mine, hearing his desperate, heaving breaths, how it would end. He died that night. He was only 3 months old.

How am I so lucky? How was it that I got to be born in Canada? How is it that this tiny baby, about 3 inches long now, grows steadily within me, enjoying the benefits of first world medicine? Safe water to drink. Safe and abundant food to eat. Specially formulated prenatal vitamins, started at the ideal time, more than one month prior to conception. Specially formulated prenatal omega 3’s. Doctor visits every 4 weeks. Ultrasounds to be sure everything is perfect. An easy 3 weeks off work, on major activity restrictions at the first sign of a tiny bleed. I lounged around, daring to complain of being lonely and bored, not considering just how lucky I was to have a job with paid sick time, and no pressure to keep working just to keep myself and family alive. I should know better! I have seen with my own eyes how the majority of the rest of the world lives. 

Is this depressing? Perhaps. To me, it’s a reminder of REALITY. Reality for MOST of the world, not just an unfortunate few. Do I go to my doctor’s appointments? Of course. Do I take my vitamins? Of course. Do I concern myself with proper and healthy eating? Of course. Do I want to do everything in my power to care for this baby? Of course!! This is not something to be sorry for, ashamed of. Of course we want the best for our children! There is nothing wrong with this. My intent is not to make anyone feel guilty. My intent is certainly not to preach at anyone who will listen. I am just trying to work through, for myself, in my mind, the blatant reminder that not everyone has the opportunity for such good care. However, we all have an opportunity to do something about it. May we never forget.