Somewhere between who I was, and who I am....

Yesterday marked one month since the 7.0 quake hit Port-au-Prince and Leogane, and everywhere between. The devastation was incredible, but what really stands out for me is the fact that this earthquake was different, in many ways.

First of all, it was a shallow quake, only five miles down. Perhaps that had something to do with the way it shook the area, I'm not sure. I'm not going to try to be a professional geologist, and I'm not going to try to interpret the actions of an earthquake. You can see it all for yourself at http://www.iris.edu/seismon/ and make your own guesses. It will actually blow you away, because every day, somewhere on Planet Earth, there are between 5 and 10 earthquakes and aftershocks greater than 4.0 on the Richter Scale, though many are at sea, somewhere. You'll probably find it totally interesting. Another interesting site is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richter_scale. Here's an example of it.

6.0	1 megaton	4.2 PJ	Double Spring Flat earthquake (NV, USA), 1994
6.5	5.6 megatons	23.5 PJ	Caracas (Venezuela), 1967 Rhodes (Greece), 2008 Eureka Earthquake (Humboldt County CA, USA), 2010
6.7	16.2 megatons	67.9 PJ	Northridge earthquake (CA, USA), 1994
6.9	26.8 megatons	112.2 PJ	San Francisco Bay Area earthquake (CA, USA), 1989
7.0	32 megatons	134.4 PJ	Java earthquake (Indonesia), 2009, 2010 Haiti Earthquake
7.1	50 megatons	210 PJ	Energy released is equivalent to that of Tsar Bomba, the largest thermonuclear weapon ever tested 1944 San Juan earthquake

Check it out for yourself. The difference from a 6.0 to a 7.0 is 32x greater, not double!!! This is incredible stuff!! See it for yourself...

Another difference with this quake was that we had friends there, right there in the thick of it, breathing the dusty air from collapsed buildings, or breathing the not-so-nice smells on the breezes after the dust began to settle. This was just way to much for us, and for some reason, God wanted us to go there for a short time to help our friends.

We weren't there long, but I don't believe that the length of time was important, though we would have loved to stay longer. God has everything in His control, and our trip was not an exception to that. You can just bet that I still wonder why things happened as they did, but now that we've been back for a few weeks, and we've had time to process a few things, my brain is starting to warm up again to the idea of writing..... A book? I don't know yet, but it was a "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunity, and there were so many things that Michelle and I never even touched on. I'm definately sorry to everyone for the details that we just skimmed right over, to us it may have been insignificant details, or time just did not allow.

Another thing that made this quake different is the very location.... in a country already so poor.... they are a resilient culture, but to what extent? In September 2008 they were the bulls-eye to four hurricanes and tropical storms, completely ravaging that country. Only 1-1/2 years later, this. How are they supposed to get ahead?

Haiti is known as a dark place, and it definately has it's issues, but doesn't everywhere? We saw a much different side to Haiti than what media wants to tell you, and right now there is 3 days of singing and fasting going on, a celebration for those who lived to carry on. This is the side that we saw.The media would have us believe that there are three days of mourning going on, a grieving of the dead. Not true. We have friends in Haiti that are telling stories of churchs overflowing with people singing praise to God.

The differences are so huge to that which media would have us believe, that where do we even begin? This is the question that I have struggled with for weeks now. Where DO we begin, to tell a very different story?

When we received the call to go to Haiti, to catch that charter out of Miami, there wasn't time to think. There wasn't time to worry about violence in P-a-P, or any details. There was only time to respond, and to trust. In our hearts we were already there. Our bodies may as well "catch up". It was a rare opportunity, and we jumped at the chance. We do not regret this, though it hasn't always been easy. There were times it was downright tough, but most of those times were associated more with our return than with our being there. God always gave us enough to cope, handle, challenge, or even tackle the day. He was always there, always giving us "our daily bread". There were so many "God things" that happened while we were there, it is absolutely STAGGERING .I am still waiting for an official documented list of "God things" that had happened, (and are still happening all the time), but this could be a while in coming, because the people at GLA are staying so busy. Maybe that's a "God thing" in itself - we don't understand why Haitian orphans are better off in dirty, unprotected tent camps than at GLA, where they could be cared for by loving Haitian nannies, fed by amazing Haitian cooks, and behind secure walls of an orphanage run by an amazing American couple. I don't get it. But God has a plan, I know He does. Maybe He just wants GLA to help with aid distribution right now. It could be. I know God loves those kids, and I know He hurts because they suffer....

I still struggle with my thoughts, they're all over the place. I hope that someday that will settle down, but in the meantime, I feel this urgency to record these things before the thoughts within me become faded in the thick, heavy, suppressing fog of everyday life.

In March, and again after the quake, we were struck by how much we have, and by how very little others have. Most of the world lives very different from the way we do. The lion's share of the world lives off of a tiny income, and sometimes no income at all. This is not something unique to Haiti, not even close. There are places all over the world where there are volunteers trying to help humanity in some way, somehow hoping that tomorrow will be even a tiny bit better for the people and the culture that they are in. Here's thinking of you, Margie, in Nigeria, with Doctors Without Borders, in some remote little compound somewhere up a dusty road. Here's to you, Erwin, volunteering on Mercy Ships. Here's to you Rhyan, when you were on a small plane somewhere near Cap Haitien with some young orphans. Here's to you, Janelle, Molly, Joyce, Melanie, Dixie, John and everyone else at GLA. Thankyou, for everything.

God doesn't ask us to move mountains, or to be able to lift concrete slabs off of a suffering Haitian. He doesn't even expect us to be able to leap over tall buildings in a single bound, though I personally really wish I could. :) He just asks us to be obedient. That's it. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, and He will use you exactly where you are, or He will place you where He wants you to be. That's it... I still struggle with that thought every day. We had the opportunity to sit back, and watch the show( way better than ANYTHING out of Hollywood)!

I'm not yet sure I'll ever be able to write down EVERYTHING!! Last night I visited with a friend from 6pm til 3am, and I almost got through it ALL, and that was talking!!

People are wondering when we'll do a presentation.... well.... I have it trimmed down to 8 hours now, of hitting the high points..... I guess I'll have to trim it down a little more.... :)

It really struck me, too, how the KIDS were the ministry that God was using. Thirty-seven kids ministered to us, the Dutch Marines and the Urban Search And Rescue- Netherlands as they were singing praises on evac day, but even more so, there were American soldiers, etc, etc, that stopped to hear their singing. Sing Hallelujah to the Lord, in Creole, then English. God works in mysterious ways....

Eighty-one kids headed for the U.S. sang to us, guards, soldiers, media, etc when they were leaving.... those same kids sang for part of the 7-1/2 hours in U.S. immigration in Miami!! So now the awesome was spilling over onto American soil!!

A week later, 20 kids headed to Ottawa were again... you guessed it..... singing. Singing not all but part of the sixteen hours we spent in the wonderful Canadian Embassy. I had the amazing priveledge of sitting beside a Canadian soldier as he fed two of the kids.... spaghetti noodles. He said that it was the most incredible experience, with those two tykes on his lap, and that it was the most rewarding thing he had done in a very long time.

He said that in Afghanistan, now THAT is hell on earth, because you just drive around patrolling for Taliban. You sleep with one eye open, because there are people out there that want to kill you. When you drive around, you are nervous that you just might be the next to find a road-side bomb. He said soldiers were coming off of their Afghan tours, and BEGGING to go straight to Port-au-Prince, instead of time off, so that they could do something useful like pull dead bodies out of the rubble, but that THIS....THIS was the best of ALL....and far more than he would have dared ask for, feeding two kids spaghetti! I saw tears well up in his eyes.

It was in that very moment that I realized that it's not about leaping tall buildings in a single bound, or having the ability to stop a speeding bullet with your teeth, but that it was about just plain following God's leading... like a lamb. Just following. Jesus set the example for US...and all we have to do is DO it. It's a tough lesson, learning that I am not in control of my own life... but then again, it was an AWESOME lesson.

God cares if a hair falls from your head. He cares if you are late for work. He cares whether or not you want mustard on your Subway sandwich. What!?! ( Ask Dean Strydhorst about that story) He cares if you are trapped in rubble. Survivors are telling stories of men dressed in white, coming to bring them food and water as the hours trapped under rubble became days, and then weeks. God provided for those people because they had the foresight/ intuition/ knowledge/ faith to pray to God during their time of entrapment. Upon being released, I doubt that they felt it best to keep silent about the man dressed in white who brought them food.

There was an older Haitian woman who SANG praises to God as the doctors amputated her leg off without any anesthetic or pain killers. I wish I could speak to her now. I would want to ask if she had any pain at all, or if God took the pain away as she sang praises to Him, all the while being an incredible witness to Him as the doctors from who knows WHERE in the world they were from SAWWED HER LEG OFF!!! I wonder how many of us would have thought of that.... sing praises to God at that time....

That night at the Embassy wasn't the easiest for all of us. I had a little boy that was so upset that he would cry or just make endless moaning noises (to self comfort?) I wanted the other kids to try and get some sleep, because the next day would be a big day for them. Sleep found him at 4:30am. Poor kid. His whole world had been turned upside down, and we were still in PaP!!

That next day really was incredible. We got on the plane, but all of our carry-on ended up in the belly of the plane. What!?! We all felt a little anxious about a four hour flight to Ottawa with 20 kids, some with explosive diarrhea, and no fresh diapers, no clean clothes for the kids, no shoes,no socks, no baby bottles, nothing but the camera, Michelle's purse, the teddy bears that Air Transat handed to the kids, and the two sticker books that they handed us for them that the parents can store away in a box until their kids get older. :) That's it. For a second I thought about the eighties TV show MacGyver, and how he could make a fan belt out of peanut butter and an old set of nylons, except there was no peanut butter and no nylons. What!?! What do I need a fan belt for?? ;) I looked around for shopping bags or boxes, something to put the kids in... nothing. Duct tape! Seal the diapers on!! There was no duct tape!! For a fleeting second I considered running off the plane, grabbing a Creole book, and quickly learning the phrases "Sir, we NEED diapers on board. Trust me. Diapers. Must have. Up there ". For a second I considered leaping over a tall building in a single bound, and catching the bad guy on the other side while stopping a stray bullet with my teeth. But it was only for a second, and then...... Nothing!! Lots of nothing!! Trust me, for ME, that's weird!! The angst was gone, and I just stared at the sticker book. That moment felt so surreal to me. Maybe it was God whispering to me not to worry about it, or maybe it was the soldier that was feeding spaghetti noodles, or maybe... wow, here's a thought! Maybe I had learned something valuable, and I had to apply it right now in this moment!?! That an airline that handed out sticker books to entertain the kids, this was not a certain Canadian airline that us Canadian taxpayers have hefty shares in, and we still have to pay extra for SNACKS!. I stared at the sticker book for a moment, I looked at all the stickers. Then, I looked up, and one of the awesome people who were working on that flight went walking up and down the aisles with diapers!!! Diapers of various sizes!! Right behind her was another with bottles of milk. And behind her was another with bottles of juice!!

I looked down at little Melissa on my lap and said quietly, "Just sit back and enjoy the ride". Over the next four hours, people handed out scarves, toques, blankets, and socks that reached clear up to Melissa's diaper, (It WAS cold in Ottawa, we were told. -2 Celsius!!! What!?! In winter???? Why so warm???? ) On a side note, Melissa never did need her diaper changed, at least not until her excited family took her over. She just sat back, and enjoyed the ride. :) Me, I just played with her stickers. :)