The Latest Plan

Hey everyone, sorry there's been a lull - not much news lately, as everything we hear changes rapidly! The latest story is that we will be flying out on Wednesday with the Canadian military on a cargo plane. Not sure yet where we're flying into. We'll only be able to take carry-on, so our other luggage will be taken to the Canadian embassy to be sent later (when will we ever see that again???) In the meantime, we are starting to put things back to normal. We cleaned the balcony where we take the kids, it hasn't been done since the earthquake. We play with the kids and we keep our little preemie peanut alive! He's doing well, tolerating feeds via NG tube. Any of my medical friends out there - any good ideas on what causes seaweed-green poop? We're thinking maybe giardia, but not sure. We would welcome any other ideas you might have!
So, some things return to normal, and some things will never be the same. Our days are regularly interupted by the sound of helicopters, occassionally interupted by aftershocks, and sometimes, when I don't expect it, thoughts of our F-baby come to mind. I'm very sad I didn't get to spend the afternoon with him and Garn before he left, but I unfortuately got elected NICU nurse that day, as the others left either on the flight or with our other very sick baby. She, by the way, ended up having bacterial meningitis, and they found a pocket of infection on her brain and she had surgery! Thank you Lord we were able to stabilize her enough to get her to Miami! (Garn wrote that they stabilized her at the hospital, but that's not true - she was fine by then due to our good work!) Anyways, I know one of these days I won't be able to push away the permanent loss of our baby anymore, and it will hit hard. In the meantime, I'm keeping busy with the other kids and trying to ignore the empty space he left behind. We found his box today - where they keep the things his parents sent him - and we got to see pictures of them. I wanted to like them. I'm sure they're wonderful. But I couldn't help but feel that something went very wrong in the universe - that this was not the way it was supposed to happen. I look at their pictures and wonder what kind of person he will become with them, and what kind of person he could have been with us. I feel an acute sense of loss, but it's a big lesson of trust - that God is in control, and he didn't make a mistake. We are learning to trust him with the one we love most on this earth, but it's hard to give him up. Anyways, I need to change the subject because people keep coming by, wondering why I'm bawling in front of the computer :)
So, we'll probably be heading home in a couple more days, but I'm not sure how long it's going to take to actually get home. And I'm not sure how to proceed - should I take back my shifts that I had covered since we'll be home early? I guess I'll worry about that when I actually make it home. The date has changed for this flight so many times, I won't believe we're actually going until we take off! We hope you are all well at home - thanks again for the many encouraging messages, they mean so much! Hopefully there will be more news tomorrow!