Struggling

I wish that I could fix the whole world, but I can't. I can't even fix a little bit of it. There is a world out there, full of chaos, and pain, and hurting, and yesterday I got to go shopping for a new pair of jeans, some underwear, and a few T-shirts- nothing fancy, just clothes to wear. Everywhere I looked I saw a different kind of chaos. It was a chaos of colors, a rich tapestry of colors on the road signs, street lights, buildings, billboards, and business signs. It made me think of our once beautiful Haiti, of how there are areas now cloaked in a drab monotone of cement and cement dust. It made me think of their lack of street signs, the lack of street lights, the lack of electricity (I do NOT miss the noise from all the generators). It grieves me that in a place not all that far away, there is a real struggle to survive on a daily basis.
For many people, life here just goes on, because we are removed from the situation,though I did find a sign of the chaos just south of Miami. In a Wal-Mart in Mackenzie Town in South Calgary, I found a jar with some quarters, loonies, toonies, and a few bills in it. They were collecting for disaster relief. I was so grateful, I could have wept.
Have you ever sat outside of a Wal-Mart and just watched? There is a constant flow of people going in, some with kids in tow, seeking the newest, latest, most prized treasures. A good hour and two or three hundred dollars later, these people come out again with a cart or two full of their new "stuff", and hopefully, hopefully, their kids are still in tow. :) We live in a culture that just loves our "stuff", and far be it for me to say that it is wrong. But have you ever wondered what would happen if the area where you lived was hit by 2 earthquakes and many, many aftershocks? 57 and counting, all over 4.0 which really are all earthquakes in themselves. Chaos would strike our very own neighborhoods. Would school be open? Would there be food and water available to buy? Would the bank still be open? Would it become a "cash only" society, in the matter of one fateful minute? Even worse, would all our prized treasures from Wal-Mart be lost? These are the things I'm struggling with today.
Michelle is working on cancelling our flights from Port-au-Prince to Montreal to home. I guess that will make it official for us. We're back, and now we have to get on with our lives, but it doesn't make it any easier for us.
Life is so funny sometimes. I was sitting in a vehicle that was bouncing down rough roads in Port-au-Prince, with three sleeping kids on my lap, trying to keep their noggin's from clanging, and I was exactly where God wanted me to be. People thought I was doing something special, that somehow I was a "hero". I'm not a hero! I was in the safest place in the world!!! I was surrounded by doctors, nurses, armed guards, and friends, and most importantly I was covered with an umbrella of protection by way of God's unfailing love, and I was right where he wanted me to be!!! That's how I saw it!!!! Somehow, the puzzle pieces were all fitting together harmoniously,one piece was the skills that Michelle and I brought along, the other was simply who we were!! We never felt fear, and that helped to calm everyone's nerves. We never had a moment where we wondered if we were insane, out of our mind, psycho. Not once. Actually, there was once. We were on our way to Miami, in the Toronto Airport, and I bought a newspaper. The front page was a full page picture of a riot in the streets in Port-au-Prince. I made the mistake of trusting the newspaper instead of God. Fear gripped me. So I threw it away. I threw it away and just trusted that God wanted us there. I know that the media is saying all the bad stuff, but don't forget that their jobs depend on finding a great story. We can testify to how incredibly inaccurate things have been reported. It would blow your mind.
When we landed in Ottawa, we personally got to hand the kids to their waiting families- the experience was beyond words, and was payment enough for us. I can only imagine how the media had worked those families up before we even got there. "Are you concerned about the stories of rioting and looting?" All we had to do was stay calm for the kids, and care for them.
The Red Cross greeted us warmly in Ottawa, and I will be forever grateful. They wrote down our names, passport numbers, and where we were heading. That's awesome. We were tired, and they booked our flight to Calgary that evening yet!!
When we arrived in Calgary, there was Michelle's family, the media, the president of GLA Canada, and the Red Cross. They were holding signs with our names on them. We were very grateful. One Red Cross volunteer handed us a business card with his name on it, and said that if there was ANYTHING at all that they could do, let them know- counselling or whatever. A part of me wanted to laugh out loud. They were expecting us to be traumatized because of our trip, but I am traumatized because I'm back!!!
The media reported that only one volunteer returned that night. That's okay, we aren't troubled by that. Jessica was there for the quake, and was going to be on Breakfast Television the next morning. Good for her. I was dreading having to talk to the media anyways. They often don't seem to get the story straight anyhow. The story of Jessica's return flowed beautifully, but I do wonder how the video footage with three of us was explained. You just can't believe everything you hear.
If I had listened to everything that I heard( at least media-wise), I don't know if I would have had the courage to go, but we had friends on the inside. Yes things were bad, but we had a different perspective as well. When we got the phone call asking if we could come, all we had to do was take that first step in faith, and trust God. He did all the rest.